When the heart and mind disagree, it hurts.
What happens when love lingers in the heart, even when the mind knows better? This post explores the conflict between logic and emotion, and the pain of wanting someone who feels just out of reach.
Tonight, I wanted to talk to you. You were online, but, like almost every other time, you didn’t want to talk to me. I’ve known for a long time now that you’re not worthy of my feelings. In my brain, I know this—it’s a kind of knowledge I can’t escape. The problem is, my feelings aren’t in my brain; they’re in my heart, and that’s what’s been killing me every day since that night.
I have no idea what’s on your mind. How could I possibly know? You never talk to me. Well, not never, but it feels like an eternity between your answers. This is the second day in a row you haven’t replied. How foolish of me—I thought you said we should talk more often. Then again, I was wrong. It’s not unusual for you, though. I don’t know if you behave like this just toward me or if that’s who you are in general. I just have to say—it hurts.
I don’t want you to think I’m obsessed with you. People say you start to appreciate someone the moment you lose them. Maybe I feel this way because I lost you before I ever even had a chance to be with you. Am I really so unlucky?
How can love make a man so forgettable, yet, at the same time, so blind? I’m not sure which one is worse.
Maybe the hardest battles aren’t between two people, but within ourselves. When the heart and mind pull in opposite directions, all we can do is wait for clarity. For now, though, the waiting hurts.
To be continued…
